What Is Meditation and How Do I Start? A Beginner's Guide for People Pleasers.

Speaker: 00:00:00

If you've been listening to my podcast for a while, I'm sure you've heard

2

: 00:00:03

me and others mention meditation as a

great opportunity to start your healing

3

: 00:00:08

journey as a recovering people pleaser.

4

: 00:00:11

I wanted to clear up some misconceptions

and maybe talk a little bit about what

5

: 00:00:16

meditation is and is not for those

of you who are not familiar with it

6

: 00:00:20

or those who could use a refresher.

7

: 00:00:22

there are a ton of styles of

meditation out there that serve

8

: 00:00:26

all different types of purposes.

9

: 00:00:28

There's EFT tapping, guided meditations,

visualization, yoga nidra, all

10

: 00:00:35

different types of mantra meditation.

11

: 00:00:37

The list goes on and on.

12

: 00:00:38

With that said, I am a

certified meditation teacher

13

: 00:00:42

through the Chopra Center.

14

: 00:00:43

If you've heard of Deepak Chopra,

he has a whole training program.

15

: 00:00:47

It was really magical.

16

: 00:00:48

I was trained through mantra meditation.

17

: 00:00:51

I also have experience

with guided meditations,

18

: 00:00:55

visualization, that sort of thing.

19

: 00:00:57

Let's talk about what in

the world meditation is.

20

: 00:00:59

Meditation's purpose is quieting

your mind, while also learning to

21

: 00:01:03

be the observer of your thoughts.

22

: 00:01:05

Our natural state of being is

stillness, is peace, is calm.

23

: 00:01:11

Then our brain comes into play,

thinking all these thoughts.

24

: 00:01:14

We think 60 to 80 thousand thoughts a day.

25

: 00:01:17

And that takes up a lot of

our energy and our focus.

26

: 00:01:20

The beautiful thing about meditation

is it teaches you to become

27

: 00:01:25

the observer of your thoughts.

28

: 00:01:26

So not being consumed and led and

29

: 00:01:30

powered by our thoughts.

30

: 00:01:31

Meditation brings stillness

and peace into your life.

31

: 00:01:35

Day by day, the elements that you

experience within meditation are

32

: 00:01:40

carried with you into your life.

33

: 00:01:42

And over time, it literally

rewires your brain so that you

34

: 00:01:47

see the world in a different way.

35

: 00:01:48

You operate from a different perspective.

36

: 00:01:51

Instead of reacting to life,

you are now responding.

37

: 00:01:55

There's that pause, that stillness between

receiving information and responding.

38

: 00:02:02

When you are dysregulated and stressed

out, you're reacting, you're in that

39

: 00:02:06

animalistic fight or flight survival mode.

40

: 00:02:10

Meditation is helping you pull out of

that state, come back home to yourself.

41

: 00:02:17

One big misconception with meditation

is, so many people have said to me over

42

: 00:02:21

the years, I can't meditate, I don't

know how to meditate, I can't do it

43

: 00:02:24

right because my brain won't shut up.

44

: 00:02:27

And I always counter with saying,

if you weren't thinking thoughts,

45

: 00:02:29

then you wouldn't be alive.

46

: 00:02:31

Your brain's going to brain.

47

: 00:02:33

It's completely normal to have incessant

thoughts while you're meditating.

48

: 00:02:37

The act of meditating is Technically

really not to shut those thoughts up.

49

: 00:02:43

It is to become the observer and detach.

50

: 00:02:46

Can you sit in stillness and observe your

chatty brain and not be of the thoughts?

51

: 00:02:53

Can you treat it like clouds passing by?

52

: 00:02:56

Your thoughts are just floating

in and out of your experience.

53

: 00:03:00

That is what meditation does.

54

: 00:03:02

It teaches you to be the observer of

your thoughts, the observer of your

55

: 00:03:05

emotions, the observer of your body.

56

: 00:03:09

When you can have that detachment,

then you're going to transfer

57

: 00:03:12

that to your daily life.

58

: 00:03:14

Can you be the observer of your

thoughts and emotions when tension

59

: 00:03:18

arises after setting a boundary?

60

: 00:03:20

Can you be the observer of your

thoughts and emotions that are

61

: 00:03:24

making you want to people please?

62

: 00:03:25

And instead, make a different decision

to start helping yourself heal.

63

: 00:03:30

That's where meditation

plays such a major part.

64

: 00:03:34

This is what helped heal me.

65

: 00:03:36

I'm still recovering, of course, but

I can tell when I haven't meditated in

66

: 00:03:40

a while, how my brain starts to slip

back into those old habits and I start

67

: 00:03:44

to believe everything that I think.

68

: 00:03:47

When you meditate, it's

almost like a snow globe.

69

: 00:03:50

This is how I picture it in

my mind and how it feels.

70

: 00:03:53

Within the snow globe is my reality.

71

: 00:03:56

And that's also my thoughts

and feelings that are running

72

: 00:03:59

through my brain every day.

73

: 00:04:01

But, I have become the observer.

74

: 00:04:03

I, my true self is the observer

outside looking into the snow globe.

75

: 00:04:09

When I talk about connecting between

you and you, I mean connecting your

76

: 00:04:14

human self that's in the snow globe

to your highest self, that part of

77

: 00:04:18

you that's able to be the observer.

78

: 00:04:21

I know This can be a little,

uh, Metaphysical and esoteric.

79

: 00:04:25

I don't even need for you to

grasp all these concepts to

80

: 00:04:29

begin to start meditating.

81

: 00:04:30

I just want you to have the takeaway

that it is okay and normal to have

82

: 00:04:35

thoughts when you are meditating,

especially if you're meditating at

83

: 00:04:39

the end of the day, you've had, like

I said, 60 to 80, 000 thoughts happen.

84

: 00:04:44

Of course, your brain is in overdrive.

85

: 00:04:46

Starting with three minutes a day, getting

yourself up to 15 to 20 minutes max,

86

: 00:04:51

giving yourself that space to practice

quieting your mind, going inward.

87

: 00:04:55

Being able to observe what's coming

up without reacting to it and allowing

88

: 00:05:00

them to float out of your experience

is what's going to help you heal.

89

: 00:05:03

It's going to help you tolerate

the tension when you're trying

90

: 00:05:07

to set new boundaries and

create new habits in your life.

91

: 00:05:11

So start small.

92

: 00:05:13

I suggest mantra meditation.

93

: 00:05:16

Do teach this one on one.

94

: 00:05:18

If there's a big interest, I

can maybe do another workshop.

95

: 00:05:21

We'll see.

96

: 00:05:22

I suggest starting with mantra

meditation because it gives your

97

: 00:05:25

brain something to focus on.

98

: 00:05:27

The process with mantra meditation

is focusing on a phrase, such as om.

99

: 00:05:33

Eventually, it creates

a gap between thoughts.

100

: 00:05:36

So you might have been originally

going into this thinking,

101

: 00:05:39

Oh, I have so much to do.

102

: 00:05:40

I need to do the laundry.

103

: 00:05:41

Did I do the dishes?

104

: 00:05:42

I can't remember.

105

: 00:05:43

Did I run the dishwasher?

106

: 00:05:44

Oh, I forgot to pay the electric bill.

107

: 00:05:46

That's how you enter meditation.

108

: 00:05:48

The goal is to lengthen

the gap between thoughts.

109

: 00:05:52

Every sentence has a period.

110

: 00:05:54

You want to lengthen the time

between the period and the next

111

: 00:05:58

sentence starting in your brain.

112

: 00:06:00

So it'll go from da da

da da da da da da to

113

: 00:06:03

did I pay the electric bill?

114

: 00:06:06

Ohm.

115

: 00:06:06

Ohm.

116

: 00:06:07

Oh, I forgot to give the

dogs their flea meds.

117

: 00:06:11

Wait.

118

: 00:06:12

Brain, we're focusing on om, om.

119

: 00:06:18

That's what it would

feel like in your brain.

120

: 00:06:20

You want to slow things down.

121

: 00:06:24

Bonus tip for doing mantra meditation.

122

: 00:06:27

Do this in a quiet space

and do not play music.

123

: 00:06:30

Why, you ask?

124

: 00:06:32

When we listen to guided meditations or

music, we're actually keeping our brain in

125

: 00:06:38

the alpha waves, which is the alert state.

126

: 00:06:41

Using mantra meditation actually

lowers us to theta waves.

127

: 00:06:47

Theta brainwaves are the state right

as you're about to fall asleep.

128

: 00:06:52

You're not quite asleep, but you're

in that floaty kind of space.

129

: 00:06:56

That's where we want to be.

130

: 00:06:57

So do not play music for

this type of meditation.

131

: 00:07:01

Like I said, there's all different

styles out there with different purposes.

132

: 00:07:05

The purpose of mantra meditation is

to find that stillness, and we do

133

: 00:07:10

that through the theta brainwaves.

134

: 00:07:13

I've given you a lot to process.

135

: 00:07:15

Don't worry.

136

: 00:07:16

You just have to sit somewhere

comfortably, repeat a mantra to yourself,

137

: 00:07:20

in your mind, and whenever you notice

your thoughts have drifted away, just

138

: 00:07:24

gently go back to repeating the mantra.

139

: 00:07:26

Set a timer on your phone.

140

: 00:07:28

I use the Insight Timer app.

141

: 00:07:30

It's free.

142

: 00:07:31

I'll log it in the show notes.

143

: 00:07:33

It's great.

144

: 00:07:34

I also love that app because it lets

you track your progress, so if you're

145

: 00:07:37

a person who likes to get badges and

have, ooh, alerts of celebrations of

146

: 00:07:42

hitting milestones, that's an awesome

feature on Insight Timer as well.

147

: 00:07:47

I highly encourage to give this a try.

148

: 00:07:51

Three minutes to start.

149

: 00:07:53

Work your way over the course of weeks or

even months up to 15 to 20 minutes a day.

150

: 00:07:59

It's no big deal.

151

: 00:08:00

There's nothing serious going on here.

152

: 00:08:03

You're just giving yourself some

time, come back into your body and

153

: 00:08:08

reconnect with who you really are.

154

: 00:08:11

If you're interested in learning

more, feel free to reach out to me.

155

: 00:08:15

My info's in the show notes.

156

: 00:08:17

I do one on one coaching for

this, but you can simply sit

157

: 00:08:20

in a quiet space and meditate.

158

: 00:08:22

Let me know how this goes for you.

159

: 00:08:24

I'd love to hear your experience.

160

: 00:08:27

May you find peace within yourself.

161

: 00:08:30

Om shanti, shanti, shanti.

162

: 00:08:32

Peace, peace, peace.

163

: 00:08:33

Blessings to you.