Ep. 36: Journaling to Release Baggage and Craft Self-Care Lists: Your First Step to Heal People-Pleasing

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It is been a while.

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We took a break, but we are back.

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Diary of Recovering People

Pleaser Podcast is back with

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a whole new round of episodes.

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My name is Jenny Luckey.

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If you're new to the show,

welcome, welcome, welcome.

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this is an inclusive

space for people pleasers.

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It doesn't matter where you

are on your healing journey.

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All are welcome.

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The goal is for you to feel seen through

other people's stories, to know that

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you're not alone, and to get practical

tips about how you can start to change

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your habits, to change your life, how

you can start rewiring your brain to make

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different decisions and how it looks.

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When we take those risks and change our

ways and tell people no, and to learn

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from other people's mistakes so you

don't have to go through the same things.

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But you know, honestly, sometimes

when I've ended up having difficult

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conversations with folks, when I'm

setting a boundary or changing a habit,

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those conversations have, yeah, they

might have been difficult, but they're

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actually some of the most productive and.

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Biggest turning points in my

healing journey, but I digress.

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Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

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This feels like a great time

to tell you who the heck I am.

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My name's Jenny Leckey.

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I'm located here in

Buffalo, New York, and.

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I have had many different parts of

my journey if we're talking career.

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I started in radio, that's why

I feel like I've come home to

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my podcast here behind the mic.

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And then I was an high school

English teacher for a decade.

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So definitely an avid reader.

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Loved to write.

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Love to analyze texts and look

for metaphorical meanings,

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which comes in handy when you

are on your healing journey.

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And most recently, I took a leap of faith

and started out on my own, and I have a

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business where I and lead meditations.

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Do all things Reiki- I teach.

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I am heading out on my spiritual

mentoringship path soon, more

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details coming about that.

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I host retreats, but most

importantly, I have this joyful,

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fun little podcast just for you.

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I know that in my healing journey,

feeling seen and knowing that

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I'm not alone in how I'm feeling

as I'm trying to change my life.

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That has been a godsend for me.

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So I hope that as you listen maybe

to past episodes and the ones that

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are coming up, that you can find a

little piece of yourself in these

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real life day-to-day experiences that

people are sharing in these stories.

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And I really love the fact that

people pleasers have the courage

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to come on a podcast and tell their

story because that is the ultimate.

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Like boundary check, right?

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Being able to tell the world how you

think and feel and take up space on

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the interwebs behind a microphone.

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That is some like cool ass shit.

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And I'm super proud of everyone

who shared their story.

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If you want to share your story, I would

love to talk to you, so shoot me an email.

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All that good info is in the show notes.

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All right, so that is the background of.

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Where my brain is and what

history I'm coming from and

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what life experience I have.

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So let's talk about what it looks like

when you are a recovering people pleaser.

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So my first season was 35 episodes,

a mix of my stories and people coming

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on and sharing their story with me.

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And one thing I noticed is that

everyone has their own definition

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of what people pleasing is which I

think is very interesting and cool

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because we can have this collective

understanding that we are possibly

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putting other people before ourselves.

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We're calling ourselves people pleasers,

but within that it's so nuanced.

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So there's space for everyone.

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There is a way to heal

that is unique to you.

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So what any of us shares

if it doesn't resonate?

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Don't feel that you have to

do all the things, but try

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something, give it a whirl.

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I will share with you what my

definition of people pleasing is,

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so you understand the basis of where

I'm coming from in my episodes.

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To me, people pleasing is

abandoning your connection between

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you little y and You big y.

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In other words, you have abandoned,

you've cut off connection with, you're

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not even listening to your connection

with you and your highest self, your soul.

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I heard someone call it an over soul,

your intuition, your inner voice,

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it doesn't matter what you call it.

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The point is that you're not listening.

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You're not tuned in, and instead your

receptors are tuned into the world around

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you and you are worried about managing

the experience of every person, place,

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and thing around you while completely

leaving yourself out of the equation.

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That is the simplest way

that I can explain it, and

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then I've discovered through.

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Basically backward analyzing

my past behaviors and choices.

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I started off by asking

myself, how did I get here?

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What do I keep saying

and doing or not saying?

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And not doing over and over and over

again so much that it's become not only

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a habit, but a lot of the times these

things became a part of my personality.

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Because essentially your personality

are just a set of habits that

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you do over and over again.

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So I'll just say that this

recovery process is definitely

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not an overnight thing.

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You don't go to some weekend retreat

and walk away cured and healed.

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This has been years in the making, so

it's going to take time to readjust, but-

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don't feel overwhelmed.

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If anything, it's a time to be playful.

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I feel that people pleasers a lot

of time are so tense and trying to

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control everything that the healing

journey should be the opposite.

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It should be letting go, loosening your

grip, being in the here and now, having

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some fun, having some laughter and joy,

and really reshaping your approach.

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instead of focusing on how's everyone

else feeling, tapping into your

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inner world and assessing how you

are feeling at any given moment.

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Being light and breezy about it, I would

say is one of the biggest pieces of advice

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I could give because many people that I've

discussed people pleasing with usually

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have other things that they identify

with in tandem, whether it be chronic

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stress, anxiety which includes rumination.

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It could include, um, different if we

wanna talk about attachment styles.

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I don't know.

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I've read mixed reviews about the

legitimacy of that, but since people

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talk about it, um, it can lead to

anxious attachment or even avoidant

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attachment as well, if there's a

fear of disappointing other people.

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So, people pleasing to me

is like an umbrella term.

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That's just an overarching

term that most people know.

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And then within that, there's

so many different facets.

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There's so many different aspects

of yourself where you might find

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that in one area of your life,

you people please all the time.

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Like maybe when you interact

with family members, it's like

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this switch flips in your brain.

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You're like, who am I?

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I am totally a different person

and completely people pleasing when

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I'm in front of you know, uncle Joe

Schmo, but, when I'm with my coworkers

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i'm very decisive and I make strong

deadlines, and I take people's

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opinions into consideration, but I

don't feel like I'm being wishy-washy.

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I'm being direct, but kind with my words.

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So you can have two different worlds

and almost feel like you are in that

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John Travolta movie Face Off, where

you have different faces, and that

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is completely normal because people

pleasing is just an overarching term.

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There's so many different aspects

of our lives and our personalities

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that are impacted by it.

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All of that is to say, if

you're at the beginning of your

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healing journey, I implore you.

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Take some time in a comfortable

space with just you and you alone.

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Put some nice music on, maybe

make yourself a nice cup of tea.

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Just relax.

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Maybe you wanna cuddle with your dog

or cat or hamster, whatever it may be.

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And journal.

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That's really how it started for me

and not the type of journaling where

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you're like, dear diary today, I

People pleased at the dentist's office.

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No, no, no.

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I like to do the type of journaling where

it's about processing your thinking, so

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when you're moving your hand on the paper,

it might look messy or gibberish and it

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might look like it's a different language.

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That is fine.

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Dumping your thoughts, your feelings.

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Where you think people pleasing began?

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How you feel about being a people

pleaser , is there shame and

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guilt that comes up with that?

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Dump all that crap onto a piece of

paper and it doesn't matter that

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you can't read it because you're

not gonna go back and read it.

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Why would you wanna go backwards?

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Why would you wanna go look at that?

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Dump it out of your body, dump it outta

your brain, get it on the paper, and then

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you are starting with a clean slate.

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You're like, okay, I acknowledged

all these things that I'm

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thinking and feeling right now.

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Now I'm starting from a space of,

okay, we've turned the corner.

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What is next?

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What do I want to do next?

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And then have that list started

in your journal and don't have

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it to be about healing yourself.

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Have it be a list of things that are

for you and you alone, because I would

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say that that is probably the number

one thing that I've noticed from all

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these conversations from 35 episodes.

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That is probably the hardest thing, is

figuring out what the heck you prefer,

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what you like to do, what you like

to listen to, what you would choose

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to do, because you've given away that

choosing power to others for so long.

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So this is your permission slip.

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After you've dumped everything out

there, now you're gonna fill yourself

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back up With things that are for you

and you alone for your wellness, for

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your wellbeing, for your mental health,

whether that is deciding, you know what?

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I'm gonna go finger paint in the

backyard because it sounds fun.

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I am gonna go for a walk.

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I am gonna go get in the car, get myself

a coffee, and I am gonna go cruise

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and go for a road trip this weekend.

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Whatever it is, give yourself that

space and that permission slip to do it.

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And it doesn't have to be a long thing.

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It could be something that's five

minutes long, but taking those little

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steps will help your brain to feel safe.

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If you can take those little steps of

putting yourself first for like fun

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things that you enjoy, and you build

that capacity and that container within

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yourself to hold space, then you are going

to be able to hold space for yourself

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when you put yourself first for the bigger

stuff, like when you're telling your

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boss that you need off, and that's that.

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And not overexplaining yourself of why

you need off of work, or when you're

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telling your friend you really don't

appreciate when they comment on your body.

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And saying, I don't talk

about bodies anymore.

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And you hold that line.

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And when people do, you make

the decision for yourself,

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you're leaving the conversation.

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Like, that's harder stuff, right?

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You're being forced to be a little

more direct and speak up for yourself.

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So speaking up for yourself, start small.

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Start with things that are enjoyable for

you, and if that feels uncomfortable, go

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down your list and find the thing that

has the least amount of risk for yourself.

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So there is your homework assignment.

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I don't really have a timeframe

for , how long you should do that.

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I personally do that when I feel

like I'm falling off the wagon.

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So I do it periodically for myself.

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And I think that , even if you aren't

further ahead, quote unquote, 'cause

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you can never be finished, uh, you're

always recovering people pleaser.

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But if you're further long down the line,

this is a great practice to touch in with

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yourself, do a little self-assessing.

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See if there are deeper layers

that have come to the surface

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that need to be healed.

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Okay.

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Disclaimer, I am not a therapist

or a trained psychologist.

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I am just a person who's read a

lot of books and you know, has

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a teacher background and does

energy healing and all that stuff.

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So I'm coming at it from like a sideways

angle and from personal experience, this

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is all stuff that's worked well for me.

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I would love to hear

how your progress goes.

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So hit me up on social media.

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Please let me know how it's going,

and again, if your list includes

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being on a podcast to tell your

story, I would love to hear from you.

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That is all for now.

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I am cheering for you.

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I am rooting for you on the sidelines

that you are going to master whatever

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you put in front of yourself on this

next step of your recovery journey.

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Catch you later.