Ep 34: Dine Like a Boss: Mastering Self-Advocacy at Restaurants

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Hello, my friend.

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I am here delivering messages

of freedom to ask for your food

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to be fixed at the restaurant.

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That's right.

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We're going to talk about people

pleasing when you go out to eat.

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I feel like this is one of the

places where you could really start

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to practice because it is pretty

low effort, but also low impact.

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You know, you're working with a stranger.

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If you feel awkward, you can obviously

leave and just never go back to the

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restaurant, but it's a great place to

exercise saying no, or taking up space

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and saying your needs . I have had some

really like push me off into the deep

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end experiences lately because a few

months ago I was diagnosed with celiac

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disease and Talk about dietary needs

like holy crap glutens and everything.

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It's up ended my world a bit.

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Now before that.

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I mean, I've been vegetarian since I was

19 years old, So it's been a long time.

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That was already something that

I had to work through asking.

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Oh, does this have I don't know,

animal by product or whatever, but

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a lot of that I could do on my own.

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I could look at the menu

and figure shit out, right?

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But when it comes to having to

declare your food allergen issues

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to your server, that, my friends,

Forces you out of people pleasing.

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I can't be quiet.

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I have to declare to the server or the

person Making the food that hey, uh, I

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literally gonna get really sick if you

fuck this up Okay, maybe I don't word it

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that way, but you get my point, right?

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Ironically, I feel like I'm

going out to dinner more than

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when I wasn't gluten free.

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It's, I don't understand what's

happening in my life right now.

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But, maybe it's the universe's way of

forcing me to recover this part of myself.

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The taking up space, the seeing what I

need part that has tried to remain small.

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Actually, just yesterday, I

was doing Reiki at Roswell.

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And after that, I was like, you know what?

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I've heard that Chipotle's

okay for celiac people.

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I was like, I'll try it out.

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If you have never been there, Chipotle

is like Tex Mex, I guess you'd say

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Mexican food, but it's kind of like

Subway where you go down the line

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and say what ingredients you want.

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And I knew that there's a

chance of cross contamination.

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So I'd read online, you know, ask them

to change gloves, different utensils,

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even pull ingredients from the back.

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And I will say they

were excellent with it.

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As soon as I said celiac,

they jumped on it.

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They knew their shit, which is awesome.

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Shout out to Chipotle.

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Um, but do you know how hard that

was as a recovering people pleaser

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to go up to the counter and be like,

Hi, I actually have celiac disease.

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So, I was wondering if you

could change your gloves, and

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I just need that accommodation.

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And Instantly, we're on it.

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Thank God they're well informed.

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That's not always been the case,

but then they changed their gloves.

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they had already went to pick up a bowl.

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They set that down and got a

fresh one after the fresh gloves.

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It was great.

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I was very, very happy with it.

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And also, to make the matters worse,

if you will, as a people pleaser,

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it's in the middle of a lunch rush.

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So not only am I asking for help, but I'm

messing up their flow and line, right?

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Which is fine because I'm also a patron

and I had to keep reminding myself.

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I'm a paying customer here but people

were having to walk in front of me.

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I had to step back while the guy

went and got the fresh bins of like

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lettuce and stuff and Everyone else

who was ordering for lunch is walking

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in front of me and kind of looking

at me like what is this woman doing?

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Standing in the middle of

the line and I was okay.

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I really was Because that's one thing

I'll say about this, uh, diagnosis

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is people staring at me and me feeling

awkward is much less painful than me

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actually ingesting gluten and feeling

like I'm going to die on the inside

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and fucking me up for the next month.

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Like, so if anything, this is like

forced me into this exposure therapy.

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The reason I bring this up is, you do

not have to have a gluten intolerance, or

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food allergen diagnosis to force yourself

to ask for what you need in a restaurant.

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Even if it's as simple as asking for a

different kind of dressing, or, I would

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say the next level is, Send your food

back because something is wrong with it.

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If it's cold, if they forgot something,

if something isn't seasoned right.

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You're allowed to take up space,

and that is literally their job to

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prepare, to serve you the food, to

create a dining experience for you.

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All the individuals who work in

the kitchen, the wait staff, the

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restaurant management, all of

that, that is literally their job.

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So, when you reframe it that way, You

have the right to say something and also,

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For the most part people want you to

have a good experience in the restaurant.

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So why not use your voice in practice

setting expectations of what you would

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like, simply by saying, No, I would

not like to add a salad to my meal.

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Or, yes, I would like to upgrade to this.

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Or, asking, do they have

this or that in the back?

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I also did that when I went

out to dinner on Saturday.

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didn't see it on the menu, but I

asked, Hey, do you have broccoli?

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I'm craving that as a side

with my gluten free pasta.

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She checked and they did.

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Y'all, it's not, it's not hard.

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Once you start doing it,

it gets easier and easier.

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And, again, this is creating

that threshold within you

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of tolerating tension.

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So, can you tolerate the tension

of asking your server to maybe hook

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you up with a side of broccoli?

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If you can do that and prove that

to yourself, and you can literally

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sit with that feeling in your gut

or wherever it shows up in your

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body, then you will be able to do

bigger things within your relationships

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.

I know this is a podcast for recovering people pleasers, so you understand what

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a big deal this is to send your food

back or ask for a special accommodation.

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And other people might look at you

and think, what's the big deal?

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Just ask for it.

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But you know what, it is a big deal,

and I think you should acknowledge

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and celebrate those moments

when you advocate for yourself.

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I celebrated myself yesterday.

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I got in the car and I was

like, Look at you go, Jenny.

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You were totally fine with having a

bunch of people walk in front of you,

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staring at you during the lunch rush.

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And you were fine with someone going,

getting those fresh toppings for you.

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I was actually very, very full

of gratitude and very happy and

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pleased that I was so supported.

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`So, not only is it about taking the

action, but it's also about the story

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that you tell yourself before, during,

and after these types of experiences.

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that's my little challenge for you.

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In the next, let's say, two

weeks, can you give this a try?

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Just one time.

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I also ask of you to really observe

yourself before, during, and after

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and notice where the tension builds.

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what you're feeling and experiencing

during the moment of asking for

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help and advocating for yourself.

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And then afterwards, how you feel.

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It might even help to

jot these things down.

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Write what you feel about yourself.

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If you're proud, you're happy, you're

sweating bullets, whatever it may be.

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But give yourself credit

for taking that next step.

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Let me know in the comments,

or shoot me an email.

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Let me know how this is going for you.

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I'd love to hear your feedback

and your success stories.

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Now go out there and

advocate for yourself.

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I believe in you.