Ep 32: Paying Attention: How a Fever Taught Me Life's Real Lesson

Jenny: 00:00:00

Hello.

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I am back.

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I took a little break.

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Part of it was forced upon me.

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Has anyone else caught

this terrible cold virus?

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Not fun times.

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But one thing that happens when, at

least when I get sick, not only does it

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force you to slow down, it forces you

to relax and rest and be in the moment.

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Um, especially having, I

think my fever got up to 102.

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8.

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It was something else.

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I haven't been that sick in quite a while.

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But another thing I noticed is things

that were previously stressing me

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out were totally stripped away.

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I was telling a friend that it

really stripped away the bullshit.

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I literally didn't have the energy or

capacity to worry about made up scenarios

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that my anxiety ridden mind likes to

give me to ponder and stress about.

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I didn't have time to

worry about anything.

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Uh, I had to cancel Reiki

appointments and other commitments

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and I had no other choice, so

there was nothing to worry about.

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I just had to because I was so

sick and that got me thinking about

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everyday life in a way, even though

I felt terrible, it was very freeing.

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Because it stripped away all of that

layer upon layer of shoulds and,

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pressure and all of that kind of energy,

including people pleasing, right?

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And I thought to myself while I was

sick, Man, I would love to be able to

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harness this approach to life and bring

that with me when I'm healthy again.

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Can I be that way when not forced to be?

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Can I choose to be that way?

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So far it's kind of working.

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I still have a cough and stuff So maybe

it's cheating because I'm not fully

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better the reason I'm bringing it up

is because it got me thinking about this

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idea of paying attention so essentially

the things that we focus on in our day to

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day and Also, the things that we choose

to stress about and worry about and

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dwell on and ruminate about on a daily

basis, we are paying attention to it.

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We are giving our attention.

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So think about the phrase pay.

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If I pay attention, that means

there's a price involved, right?

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There's an energy exchange.

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And this case not paying like a currency

as in cash money, but your payment is your

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energy, like you are putting your focus on

something and that takes literal energy.

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Like physical body energy to make

your brain operate and your system

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focus on whatever it may be.

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But also, you're paying it with

your mindset, you're paying it with

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the emotions that you invest into

a conversation or work or any kind

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of interaction you have, even if

it's with an environment, it doesn't

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necessarily have to be with a person.

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So You are literally

paying with your attention.

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What you focus on, you're paying for.

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When you're paying your attention

Is it, is it reaping the benefits?

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Are you getting the reward out of it?

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Are you making dividends?

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Like it's like this stock

market, you're investing.

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Are you actually making a profit?

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Is it profitable?

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Is it serving your highest good?

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I was asking myself, am I mindlessly

doom scrolling and letting all

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these messages, get me riled up.

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Am I wasting my energy on

reacting to headlines, propaganda,

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people's emotional reactions to

said headlines and propaganda?

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Am I getting stuck in a rumination

cycle and paying my attention on

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the wrong thing, things that are not

going to benefit, things that are not

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solution focused, more problem focused.

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What you pay attention to, what you are

giving your energy, your focus to is

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essentially becoming part of your life.

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I think with people pleasing,

we're always focusing or paying our

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attention to other people's emotions.

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A lot of the times, a big aspect of

people pleasing, for many of us, is

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reading small social cues, trying to

read the other person, see if they

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are having a negative reaction to

what you are saying or doing, and then

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trying to always manage other people's

emotions instead of letting them be.

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And letting them manage themselves.

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And therefore you're really not getting

a good payout for that attention.

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So people pleasing wise and

headlines wise, can I shift

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what I'm paying my attention to?

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You only have a certain amount

of energy every day and some

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days it's less than others.

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I am definitely dysregulated.

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I'm just being honest with you.

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If those of you don't know what that

means, that means my nervous system

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is It's turned on and thinks there's

a threat and is either, it, it tends

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to go fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

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Fawning is the typical people

pleasing place where you like act

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like a fawn, I just think of Bambi

in the woods where you submit to

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the predator, to the attack, right?

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And try to keep everything calm.

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When you're in that

state, you have a limited.

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amount of energy and a limited

amount of mental and emotional focus

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that you can give to any one thing

that you're paying attention to.

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So first of all, cut yourself some

slack, give yourself some grace.

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You can't expect yourself to operate

at the same exact energy levels and the

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same attention levels every single day.

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But secondly, maybe it's time for me,

and maybe this resonates with you,

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but maybe it's time for me to now do

an inventory of where the majority

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of my attention is being paid.

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Is it really focusing on the things

that are going to have the biggest

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payout for my highest good and

healing to allow me to be the best

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version of myself in the world?

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Or is it like an unproductive use of

my life force energy of my currency?

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The hard part is, that

is a personal decision.

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I was having that urge to look outside

of me and ask people, What should I do?

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Where should I be doing and thinking

and feeling in these tumultuous times?

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And time and time again, it always

ended up coming back to, Well,

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that's a personal decision, Jenny.

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what decision I need to

make to bring myself peace.

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I don't mean burying your head in

the sand and ignoring All that is,

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but you can pay too much of your

attention to something and it can

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start to weigh you down and suck the

energy and the life force out of you.

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It can start to make you feel depressed

and dysregulated, make you start

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operating from a place of fear instead

of a place of love and having faith in

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yourself and in others and this life.

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Going back to what I said when I

was sick, about cutting through the

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bullshit, essentially, I was just saying,

cutting through the stuff that I used

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to pay attention to all the time that

really didn't serve any purpose that

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actually just caused me more stress.

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And those things included

stories that I would tell myself

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preemptively worrying that someone

was going to get mad or upset or.

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I was going to lose XYZ because

of this choice I was making.

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Also, being fearful about taking action,

maybe addressing something with someone.

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There was no point and I stopped doing

that when I got really sick and had a

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fever and I survived, So obviously I don't

need that for survival I bring this story

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to you, so you do not have to go through

the fever ridden aha moment that I did

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and Apply it maybe to your everyday life.

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Think to yourself if I were sick

in bed with a fever right now,

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what little bit of attention I had?

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Would I pay it towards XYZ?

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Would I give my energy towards worrying

about what someone thought about the

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comment I made during a work meeting?

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Would I sit there and the little

bit of energy that I had , would

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I spend that worrying about the

word choice I used in an email?

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Hmm, I don't think so.

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If I didn't do that while I had

a fever and I turned out just

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fine, then there really is no need

to do that when I'm fever free.

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And then, think about the compounding

effect of shifting your attention

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little by little, moment by moment,

to something else that's more

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productive and has a bigger payout.

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Meaning, shifting your attention to the

present moment, taking some deep breaths,

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focusing on your breath, going in and

out, um, thoroughly sitting and enjoying

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the cup of tea or coffee that you're

consuming, tasting all of the flavors.

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Feeling the warm coziness

that comes with it.

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Actually really sitting and just

looking at your dog and petting

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your dog and brushing it and

loving it and doing nothing else.

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Just soaking up the unconditional

love that seeps from their

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soul and soaks into your heart.

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I think that has a bigger payoff than

ruminating about what might upset

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somebody and if you're going to be

okay because you will be okay and that

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is not a good way to spend your time.

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Get it?

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You spend your time.

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Your life force energy, your emotions,

your mental capacity, those are

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sacred things, and you have a limited

quantity that you can spend every day.

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So my, side quest for you for the

next week is to stop maybe three or

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four times a day and observe what you

are currently paying attention to.

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And then jot it down.

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Maybe at the end of the day, you can do a

quick reflection of was this beneficial?

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Was this worthwhile?

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Or make a judgment at

the end of the week.

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Look for patterns in your life and see

where you're paying attention and seeing

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if it's serving your highest good.

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if it's getting you moving towards

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solutions, healing and growth,

or is it causing stagnation, fear

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and a hindrance on your wellbeing?

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Go into that mindset like you would if you

were sick and decide what you want to cut

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and then what you want to replace it with.

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You can't control everything outside

of you, but you sure as hell can

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control who you're paying attention to

and what you're paying attention to.

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That is my musing for the week.

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I would love to hear your thoughts.

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Did this resonate with you?

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Do you also have these aha

moments when you're sick?

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Or is it just me?

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Because that happens every time.

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These aha moments are so crucial

and exciting and fun, but then the

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real work is not losing them, not

being excited in the moment, but

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actually like carrying it through.

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Like a month from now, will I still

be riding this flow or will I fall

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back into being willy nilly, not

caring about where my attention goes?

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That is the big test.

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That's literally the journey.

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Like people keep talking about,

Oh, I'm on a healing journey.

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Like that's literally the work

that is the work, you know,

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day to day, moment by moment.

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What are you focusing on?

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What are you paying, for

with your life force energy?

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Okay, let me know in the comments

and thank you so much for listening.

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Stay healthy out there.

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Use your neti pots.