Ep 26: Improv Permission Slip to Take Up Space- My People Pleaser Revelation

Speaker: 00:00:00

As I was thinking about this topic, it reminded me of this.

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Pivotal moment during

an improv class in: 2019

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This person probably doesn't even

realize that this conversation that

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we had, it was my improv teacher in

Myrtle beach and we were learning, I

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think how to do characters on stage.

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Honestly, it doesn't even

matter what we were learning.

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But he had been obviously watching us in

class week after week and you're on stage.

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If you're not familiar with improv,

it's in the moment off the cuff.

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On the fly comedy.

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It's like the show whose line is it

anyway, that's short form improv.

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You don't have a script.

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You hop on stage and maybe

you get a suggestion.

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Sometimes you don't even, you

just open your mouth and see

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whatever the hell happens, right?

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It's very freeing and I highly recommend

everyone taking an improv class.

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it is therapy in motion.

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What I've noticed over the years of

being involved with improv is that my

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personal habits will play out on stage,

whether it's through a character or

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how I present myself on stage, which

leads me to this people pleasing moment.

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Which will live with me forever.

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It was one of those moments that slammed

me into reality a holy crap moment.

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So going back to that class day, I

don't know what we were doing on stage.

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It doesn't matter.

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All I know is we were applying these

skills, so my teacher was giving us

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advice hey, why don't you try this?

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It was great.

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So we had class, and then at the end

of class, we're all packing up, and

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we all become friendly, so I was chit

chatting with people, and then my

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teacher called me over, and was like,

hey, can I talk to you for a second?

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And I can't remember exactly, obviously,

word for word, what he said, but along

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the lines of, And I remember afterwards

it made me cry as I reflected about it.

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I remember getting in my car and crying.

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It's going to make me cry now.

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He told me, you are allowed

to take up space, Jenny.

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And I looked at him, confused.

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What are you talking about?

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He said, you're allowed to take up space.

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He said, I watch you.

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I see you looking at everyone else

and you are calculating to make sure

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everyone has equal representation.

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Everyone gets some time in the spotlight.

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And within that, I was

holding myself back.

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He saw it.

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I wasn't stepping forward.

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I wasn't initiating scenes because

I wanted to be fair, and I wanted to

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take care of everyone else, and I put

everyone else's needs before my own.

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And therefore I wasn't initiating,

which in an improvising world

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means I wasn't starting scenes.

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I wasn't Following my intuition, I was

literally holding myself back physically,

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and mentally, and spiritually on stage.

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And all I was doing was

scanning and making sure

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everyone else was taken care of.

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And he said something along the lines

of, You're being the mother hen on stage.

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oh my gosh, I had this flashback.

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That's what my friends

in college called me.

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Oh, Jenny is the mother hen.

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When we would go out, I would always

be taking care of everyone for the most

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part, making sure everyone was okay.

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And I was the mother hen, the

quintessential people pleaser mother hen.

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And for him to see that on stage,

playing out through my own character

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Through my body language, by literally

observing me not following my feet, not

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following my intuition, blew my mind.

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And to have someone who's not

close to me say to me, you

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are allowed to take up space.

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And basically his task for me for the

next class was you are going to initiate.

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You are going to take space.

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I don't want you worrying

about anyone else.

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I want you to worry about yourself.

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I, that was such a mirror moment

for me to feel so seen by someone

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and to be given permission and being

told that it's okay to focus on

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yourself, Jenny, to trust yourself

and to not worry about other people.

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Holy crap.

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That was so powerful.

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So powerful.

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And this man doesn't even

remember this conversation.

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I guarantee it.

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Because it was not a big deal.

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It was like a sidebar conversation

that took maybe 60 seconds, right?

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You never know how someone is

going to be changed by your words.

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If you are called To say something

from the heart like this, say it with

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love because look at this moment.

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I'm talking about it and

it's six years later.

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That moment shifted something within me.

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I will also say I was

open to receiving it.

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That's also important.

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I was already on my healing

journey at that point.

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I was already doing the work, I was

meditating and all that great stuff.

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I was already open to receiving

feedback from anyone and anything.

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I already had a growth mindset.

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So it's twofold.

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If you want to receive from others, you

have to be willing to receive from others

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and also look at things a blessing.

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I could have looked at it from

the ego and been Defensive and

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who does he think he is or denial?

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I could have not been open to what he

had to say and think I knew best, but

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this felt like he was a messenger from

my spirit team or from God spirit

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was speaking through him to me.

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I needed to hear that

in that place in time.

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And the fact that he

used the term mother hen.

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Got my attention even more so because

that was a label placed on me, which is

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just another word for people pleaser.

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It was a game changer for me.

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So thank you, Kevin, my improv teacher,

for a comment that I'll never forget.

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That changed who I am.

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I'm sure everyone has moments like that.

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You might have even had them

and didn't think about them.

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And then they might arise in your

mind whenever you actually needed it.

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Be open and curious.

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And know that everyone is a mirror.

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And the only way that this shift will

really start sticking is if you're open

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to receiving that reflection from people

that And if you're willing to grow and

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change, even if you don't fully know who

you are right now, knowing that you're

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on that journey to finding who you are

underneath all the people pleasing,

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underneath all the molding yourself

to make other people feel comfortable,

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underneath all of that protective layer is

your true essence, and people can see it.

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Listen to them when they tell you.

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Be open to receiving it and

then see how things shift.

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Thank you, Kevin, my improv teacher

for this beautiful mirror moment.

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You gave me all those years ago.

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I'll always be

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grateful.