Ep 2: Conquering People Pleasing at Trader Joe's

Jenny: 00:00:00

So I basically risked my People Pleaser life all in the name of some brown

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sugar oat milk creamer from Trader Joe's.

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Let's start off with Trader Joe's.

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If you don't know what that is, it is

a magical grocery shopping experience

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where you go in there and there's all

different types of unique, rare, Foods and

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produce and baked goods and just heaven.

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I love it.

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Plus I ended up buying

a lot of plants there.

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I just have a problem, but that's

for a different diary entry.

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So being a vegetarian,

sometimes vegan, I don't know.

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I call it the Jenny diet.

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Having that unique diet, I love to go

to Trader Joe's because I have a lot of

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options there and it's reasonably priced.

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But the main reason I go to Trader Joe's

is their brown sugar oat milk creamer.

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Oh my goodness, it has changed

my coffee drinking experience.

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I even put it in hot chocolate.

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I put it in my tea.

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Like I'll put it in anything

because it tastes so freaking good.

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Okay, let me preface it.

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I love this stuff.

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So this happened a few weeks ago.

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I walk into Trader Joe's,

my happy place, right?

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And I go there pretty often so I can get

in and out of that place pretty quickly.

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Meaning I know where the creamer is.

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I had been there a few weeks before, and

I saw the creamers out, which sometimes

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happens with their popular items.

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Remember this, okay?

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That's gonna come back

later on in the story.

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So a few weeks ago, it wasn't there.

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I went again, and at this moment,

there still wasn't creamer.

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I'm like, what the heck?

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They only had coconut milk.

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I'm like, ugh, I don't want that.

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But I chalked it up to, they

must not have any, right?

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I fill my cart and I'm

ready to get out of there.

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It's just a quick shopping

trip and errands kind of thing.

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I go up to the counter to check out.

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Now, if you've never been there,

everyone's always super friendly, like

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Hawaiian shirts and smiles, everyone's

happy and they play great music and

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it's just really good energy in there.

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I go up to the checkout and,

you know, they do a little

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small talk, that kind of thing.

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they ask you, did you find everything?

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And It just came out of me.

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I said, Hey, did they discontinue

the brown sugar oat milk creamer?

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Cause it's my second trip.

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I hadn't seen it.

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I hope not.

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Cause I love that stuff.

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I was just making conversation.

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I wasn't asking for help.

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Which is people pleaser slip up number

one, I didn't ask for help, but the

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cashier said, Oh, we shouldn't be.

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Let me find out.

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And now if you've never been

to Trader Joe's, how do they

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get associates attention?

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They ring a bell.

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I mean, they literally ring a bell.

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For a person who does not want to ask

for help, who is recovering from people

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pleasing, that bell might as well have

been as big as the Liberty Bell, Ring,

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ring, ring, ring, bringing all the

attention to me, the creamer person.

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I felt like the whole world was

staring at me, which was not true.

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This was just my brain over exaggerating.

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So someone comes up And they're

like, oh, what did you need?

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And they said, they'll

go check in the back.

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No problem.

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And then they ran to the back and

, there's people waiting in line and then

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it's making me want to die even more.

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I say to the cashier, this is my slipup.

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I say something like, I didn't

mean to make you all do that.

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I didn't mean for you to go check.

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And he is like, oh, no problem.

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And the other person who was

there is like ringing the

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bell's the fun part of the job.

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We enjoy doing that.

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So not only did this person

bring up creamer, oh no, no.

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They brought up an entire case.

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To the front of the store with a

smile on their face and said, Oh, we

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have some, they must've just ran out.

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How many would you like?

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Talk about customer service, but

the antithesis of that is talk about

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what a pedal to the metal, rubber

to the road, people pleasing healing

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experience this is because I am not

only receiving help, I'm receiving

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extreme levels of care and help, right?

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So, of course, I took three would have

taken more but I was going somewhere

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and I didn't want it to go bad.

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Okay, let's unpack this

together, shall we?

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When we're talking about being a

recovering people pleaser, what I mean

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by that is I'm going to have slip ups.

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Shrek says that we are like

onions with many layers, as is our

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people pleasing healing journey.

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Let's talk about healing and

what it looks like in action.

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It's an inside job and

it's also outside job.

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So the outside was me actually

saying something to the cashier.

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Now, my slip up was I didn't go

and ask someone explicitly, right?

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I just asked if they had discontinued it.

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I could have gone and asked

someone specifically on the floor.

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But that's neither here nor there.

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I'm going to give myself like

three out of five stars with that.

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So I was able to even broach

the topic of something not

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being where I needed it to be.

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Great.

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Good job, Jenny.

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The inside job was the

most important part.

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I have built up the capacity to

tolerate the tension of me feeling

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weird about being the center of

attention and expressing my need.

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I think that's probably what prompted

me to even say something to the

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cashier because of my inside job.

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Even though I knew it was going to

make me feel weird, I still brought

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it up, even though it was awkward,

and I ended up with my creamer, guys.

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So even with years of diligent

practice and mindful living, I still

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wanted to hide, but that's okay.

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Yes, and.

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You can have both.

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You can still be recovering

and still give it a try.

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You can still feel weird about it and

kind of want to die on the inside.

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And still do it.

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And I also have the creamer to enjoy.

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It's a win-win, right?

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My reward is now I have that wonderful

creamer in my coffee every morning.

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The moral of the story.

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Sometimes it takes another person

to nudge you toward and through

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the tension of asking for help.

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And that's okay.

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You will be okay.

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So thank you to that cashier and

thank you to the other one who

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rang the bell and the third one who

brought up an entire case of creamer.

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You don't even understand how much you

helped me with my self reflection and

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flexing my people pleaser healing muscle.

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Now here's my challenge for you.

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You go and try out asking

for help this week.

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I believe in you.

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You can do this.

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Let me know how it goes.